I love food!!! I have always loved food. To me, if a little of something is good then A LOT of the same thing must be AWESOME! I am very good at rationalizing why I’m eating something I probably don’t need. I’ll think that I’ll just work out harder the next day or I’ll consider it a reward for all the hard work I have been doing lately. This has been my Achilles heel my entire life. In February of 2010, I found myself at my highest weight ever. I had no energy. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I was ashamed of how I looked. Most importantly, I was sad and very disappointed that I let myself get to that point. It was at that time that I joined Weight Watchers and my weight loss journey (for the umpteenth time) began.
This time was different though. Now I had the self motivation to see this through to the end. I wasn’t going to continue to take my health for granted anymore. This time I lost weight…more weight than I had lost before on Weight Watchers. Last year I saw a lot of changes in myself not just physically, but emotionally as well. I had more confidence. I felt a sense of accomplishment. I believed that there was no stopping me. These feelings kept going all year right up until December…and then it hit me…I LOVE FOOD!!
Since December, I have been on a weight loss plateau. The real reason for this is no surprise. I stopped following the Weight Watchers program like I had been. I celebrated my 50+ pound weight loss, but I just wanted to get to that next five pounds. I wanted that gold star. Anyone who has worked with me knows just how motivated I am by gold stars. I knew what I needed to do and even got within 0.2 pounds from that achievement, but I felt it was more fun and even easier to exercise a bunch and just hope that when I weighed in the next week that the scale would be nice to me. It wasn’t. It showed me exactly what I was doing. With the fluctuating weight displayed each week it was as if it was wondering just how long I was going to keep up this insanity. Well…it is now the end of March and the insanity continued right through this weekend.
The other day, I was heading back from the gym after a fun Zumba class and as I was contemplating this constant struggle with food, a line from Batman Begins popped into my head. As a child, Bruce Wayne falls into a well and is bombarded by bats. After he is finally rescued, his father says to him, “And why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” This quote struck a chord with me. I may not have fallen into a well, but I have definitely fallen off the Weight Watchers wagon. What I now have to figure out how to do is pick myself up.
Over the last several months, I have felt like a hypocrite. I have had several people ask me for advice on losing weight or staying in shape. I’ve received a compliment or two as well. I even had a woman at my doctor’s office tell me that she joined Weight Watchers because of me and told me how inspiring my weight loss success has been to her. So, how have I been setting a good example you might ask? Well, let’s use this weekend as a great example of what I’ve basically been doing over the last few months. This weekend I overate waaaaaaay too much. I didn’t really do any exercising aside from walking here and there. I had yummy cookies and chocolate. I drank some of my calories as well (very few though in comparison to what I ate). I ate when I wasn’t hungry. I ate when I was already miserably full. I rationalized that this was a birthday celebration and I will make up for it this next week before I weigh in on Thursday morning. No problem, right?!? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I was happier when the scale was moving in the correct direction. So, in an effort to change my ways, I have decided to use this blog and, in a sense, everyone who reads this, as my way of learning to pick myself up. I’m hoping this confession will help hold me accountable for my actions. I encourage you to check up on me and my progress. Please don’t hesitate to call me out if my eating is out of control. I am so close to the finish line that it would be tragic to make the same decisions and mistakes I’ve made each time I’ve gone through this process in the past. I know how hard it is to lose the weight once and how I felt when I gained it all back and then some. I also know how hard it is to lose weight the second time. What is scaring me is the fact that I’m falling back into the same patterns I did when I began to gain weight the first time. The thing that is different this time is that I am determined that 2011 is the year that I will finally reach my goal weight. The only person that is keeping me from reaching that goal is me, so I’ve decided it’s time to put on my big girl panties and do what I know I need to be doing. I am taking back control of my health. I am going to prove to myself (and no one else) that I can do this. I can finish what I’ve started. I can win the battle of the bulge once and for all. Most importantly, I can learn to pick myself back up after I fall.