This Time

This time is different.  This time it has to be different.  I will not undo everything that I’ve done.  I know that I’m back on track making better decisions.  This time I’m doing it for ME!  These are thoughts that go through my head on a regular basis, however lately, they seem to resonate a little louder.  Today I had my normal weekly weigh-in for Weight Watchers and I hoped and prayed that the work I had been doing over the last three days would undo everything I ate over the weekend, and for that matter, over the last few months.  It didn’t.  Realistically, I know I didn’t put the weight on overnight and shouldn’t expect it to come off that quickly.  In the past, I would have let this beat me down, so I started thinking about what is different this time.

This time I have my driver’s license picture to look at.  If you’re ever with me, please don’t hesitate to ask to see it.  You might not recognize the person in the picture.  I remember her.  She felt like she would always look that way.  She actually thought it was a decent picture considering she didn’t like having her picture taken.  She was uncomfortable in her own skin and prayed for the day that she’d get her shit together and get her eating under control.  There is still a little of her in me now, but I hope that as that license expires in 2012 so does food’s control over me…for good!

This time I have a plan that will keep my weight in check.  I had been thinking long and hard about what I want to do with my life.  What kind of job can I find that will allow me not only to maintain my weight loss but will also allow me the freedom to continue with Weight Watcher as well as Zumba?  I am very excited that in a week from today I will be a certified Zumba instructor.  The trade-off for getting certified next Thursday is that I will not be able to weigh-in as I usually do on Thursday mornings, but that just means that the next weigh-in will be that much better!!  The closer I get to my goal weight the closer I am to fulfilling the second part of my plan – to work for Weight Watchers.  In order to become an employee of Weight Watchers, you have to either be at or within 2-10 pounds of your goal weight.  This really is so close I can almost taste it, but I won’t ever get there if I don’t do what I should have been doing all along which is staying on plan.

This time I know I’m on my own.  Today’s meeting topic was about having a buddy.  They’re great for support and motivation and can even be your voice of reason should you be in the need for a swift kick in the butt.  As I was listening to what was being said and watching the leader point out several people who were there with their buddy it got me thinking.  I have a LOT of “buddies” when it comes to fitness and weight loss.  I have supportive friends and family that are there to encourage me any time I need it.  All I need do is post something on Facebook and the responses start flooding in.  For that, I am more grateful than you can possibly imagine.  So after pondering this for a bit, I started to realize that although buddies are great for that extra “pick me up” when I need it, my buddies aren’t there all the time.  They are not there at 11:00 at night when I so want to have just one more snack.  They are not there to help me lift the weights in the gym.  They are not there to step on that scale with me (thank goodness!!!) every Thursday morning.  Most importantly, they are not the ones lifting the food to my mouth.  I do that!!  Because of this, it is not my buddies that I need to rely on.  It is me.

Finally, this time I have the right attitude.  There is one saying that has always made a lot of sense to me.  It goes, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”  When I weighed in this morning and gained…again…I realized that it affected me differently than it had in the past.  Before had I been trying to lose weight and, knowing that I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing, I would end up gaining weight.  I would have let that be my undoing.  I would have allowed it to defeat me and reverse all the hard work I had done up until that point.  This time was different.  After talking with George, one of the people who weighs us in each week, I told him that even though I had gained the last few weeks I was finally back on track.  I then stepped on the scale and saw him write down that my weight had increased by 1.4 pounds.  I sat down and listened to the meeting and applauded everyone who had a success that week and felt a bit discouraged at first.  Then it hit me…I had a HUGE success this week.  After months of bungee jumping off the wagon and watching my weight bounce up and down as if I was really tied to a bungee cord I finally got back on track.  I wrote everything down that I ate.  I exercised and was more active.  I made the conscious decision that this was the last time that I’ll be surprised at the scale.  For someone who has been on Weight Watchers for over a year, that is something that’s hard to do.  That is something to be proud of.  That is something to celebrate.  That is something that will get me to my goal.

The process of losing weight and eating healthier is nothing if not slow and full of lessons to be learned.  I know now that I have a shorter journey to the end than I did to get where I am.  I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and have discovered it’s NOT a train!  I know that of all those who support me, it is up to me to make the right decisions and to be prepared to face the consequences of my actions should I choose unwisely.  I know I’m not perfect and wouldn’t claim to be.  I also know that those who forget their past are doomed to repeat it. I feel like I have a pretty good memory, so while I keep a distant eye on the past I’m going to do my best by looking forward to my happier and healthier future…and getting a better picture on my driver’s license.

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About robynthorn

I'm just a girl learning that I'm perfectly normal after all these years.
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