I Am Firebird

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

So much has happened over the last few months.  For those of you who didn’t already know, my marriage of 16 years ended on September 6th.  I am newly single.  I am living alone for the first time in my life.  I am trying to find a full-time job.  I am adjusting to everything I have known for most of my adult life being changed all at once.  I know that I am NOT the first person to go through this and I unfortunately won’t be the last either.  I am also not the first person to get rejected at interview after interview…although it feels like that right about now.  There are so many things that could have caused me to just give up, but I won’t let that happen.  Why?  Because I am Firebird!

This last weekend I had the rare opportunity to visit with an old friend of my brother’s who I haven’t seen in years.  That in itself is not rare, but it just so happened that the reason for the visit was because he wrote and directed a movie that is now in theaters and we were all there to support him.  The movie is called Unconditional and our friend Brent McCorkle not only wrote and directed it, but he also wrote some of the music for the movie as well.  Going to see this movie was a first for me.  Not only was it the first movie that I had seen where I actually knew someone involved in a movie’s making, but it was the very first time I had gone to a movie by myself…all alone…solo.  I treated myself to some popcorn and a drink and went in and sat down.  There were several previews prior to the start of the movie and I found myself a bit overcome with emotion.  I knew that based on the previews for Unconditional that I expected it might require some tissues (and it did), but I didn’t expect the reality of my situation to bring me to tears prior to the movie starting.  I did my best to compose myself and the movie soon began.

I was fascinated watching the movie that I actually knew the writer/director.  I tried to think about what he must think when watching a screening of one of his films, and I soon found myself listening for the reactions of the other moviegoers.  Were they laughing at the right spots?  Did they seem as engaged as I was?  At one point I even realized all I could hear over the sound of my own sniffles were the sniffles of those around me.  The movie was very touching and is a great example of why it is so important not to judge a book by its cover.  It is one I plan to buy for sure and may even go back and see it again.

Part of the way through the movie I came upon a shocking moment.  Let me first take you back with me to a day some years ago when I was looking up at a stormy sky in the middle of the afternoon.  I remember thinking how ominous the sky looked and thought how dark and dreary everything was at the time.  The clouds cast a shadow on all I could see and there wasn’t any sign of the weather letting up anytime soon.  It was then that a thought popped into my head which could only come to someone who has flown in a plane.  If you’ve ever taken off in a rainstorm you know just how turbulent things can become as you ascend through the clouds.  What amazed me was that once you broke through the storm, there was nothing but blue skies above you.  This is something I have thought about for many years.  So now, there I am sitting watching a movie and I hear this exact lesson being told back to me by one of the main characters in a story about an oriole named Firebird who had to learn this lesson for himself.  It moved me to tears…again.  I realized at that moment that my life had been shrouded in storm clouds.  It was now up to me to remember that regardless of how turbulent my life may seem there are always blue skies above me.  It was as if I was being reminded of that fact through this wonderfully amazing movie I was watching.  It was almost poetic that I was watching the movie alone as it is alone that I again must realize this truth.

So, here I sit in my apartment contemplating the path my life is going to take.  As the quote earlier referenced, this is not the life I had planned.  I’m in uncharted territory right now.  I’m making things up as I go along.  I’m realizing over and over that you never realize how strong you CAN be until you HAVE to be.  I know it’s just a matter of time before my life will have some normalcy, so I’m trying to be patient and let it play out the way it’s supposed to go.  There are so many people dealing with so many more difficult things in their lives than I am, so I’m focusing on the things I am thankful for in mine.  I am grateful for my health.  I am grateful for my family and their health.  I am so very fortunate to have the family and friends I do as their support has been unending.  I know that not everyone who goes through a divorce comes out of it thinking of blue skies.  Maybe I’m a rare breed.  Maybe I am Firebird.  Sure I have my moments when all I want to do is cry, but I also know that without the rain we will never truly appreciate the sunshine.

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About robynthorn

I'm just a girl learning that I'm perfectly normal after all these years.
This entry was posted in Divorce, Life Lessons and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to I Am Firebird

  1. Brandye says:

    Fabulous! An adventure awaits yous! By the way, that quote is one of my faves. You’ve got this!! And if you need a break to breathe, there is a lovely mountain home with a bedroom just waiting for you!

    Like

  2. As good as the movie is so is this blog. It brought me to tears. Crossing paths in life, taking a chance on love, finding it ends, but at least you learn something with and from that person.. Our choices take us to places that bring things or people for a reason. There are no coincidences in this world. I saw the movie in Franklin, TN and laughed, cried, all the emotions we need to feel to know why we are here. What a director What a movie the music was awesome. Be ready for the best film of the year!!!!! Just for today this movie reminds me of “well perhaps we can take to heart that we are all connected. And we may still have some things left to contribute some light to add to light like the sunshine. This is an inspiration for others in their struggles. This movie is a GIFT.
    God Bless, Josephine Getz

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    • robynthorn says:

      Thank you so much for your comment Josephine. It always amazes me when a movie speaks to me, but this one did so clearly. It was obvious I was meant to see it. This reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, Contact. The alien that Ellie encounters tells her, “See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.” This movie was a perfect example of that!

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  3. jag1tx says:

    That was just Act 1 of your life…Act 2 is supposed to put your heroine at odds and then Act 3 comes and there is jubilation!

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    • robynthorn says:

      That’s so funny you said that! When I texted my brother after my divorce was final his response was, “Time for Part 2. I think it should be a comedy.” 😉 Thanks for the comment!

      Like

  4. Murphy says:

    You once loaned me some gum. For that, I am forever in you debt. I’m sure you have had a more profound impact on my life, but that’s the only reason I can think of when I try to imagine why we have been friends for so long…. I heart you. :). Make the world your bitch!

    Like

  5. Mommala says:

    Robyn,
    How very lucky I am to have you in my life. You are a blessing not only to me but to everyone whose life you touch. I knew the movie had an impact on you but I never realized how difficult it was for you to go to it by yourself. I wish I had your strength. Wherever life takes you, it will only be to your special place with the people you love and who love you. You have a great gift in your writing and I hope you do more of it. I know it helps you to write but you must know that you help others as well. I love you very much……….
    Mommala

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  6. Sophie says:

    Robyn you are a rare Firebird. I Love you forever.

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  7. sandy Miller says:

    I am an old friend of your Mother’s. I have heard such good things about this movie and after reading your blog, I will definitely go see it.
    Best wishes to you for the future. Sounds like you are moving forward and thinking ahead. Good luck!

    Like

  8. Cedric Pendleton says:

    Forgiveness is the greatest gift….it sets you free!!!!!! Fly Firebird…fly!!!!

    Like

  9. Anna Crow says:

    Hey Robin! This is the first one of your blogs that I’ve read and I liked it. It’s kind of weird that we didn’t get to be better friends in school since we get along so well. I wish we were closer. (Just move to Houston.) 🙂

    Hugs,
    Anna

    Like

    • robynthorn says:

      Thanks for your comments Anna! I’m so glad you liked it. Sounds like you’re doing well in Houston.

      Take care,
      Robyn

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      • Anna Crow says:

        We’re about an hour and a half from Houston towards Beaumont. We are doing well and yet challenged at the same time. The ranch needs major work in so many ways. It’s like trying to use an ice pick to get out from an avalanche, but we still want to be on that mountain. It gets overwhelming since Jason has to work full time, but we still get to do the job. If you ever feel like driving a tractor or helping to tag and brand cows, let me know!

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      • robynthorn says:

        Well that sounds like quite the adventure! I’ll be sure to let you know when I’m in the mood for some ranch work. 😉

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  10. phat50chick says:

    I also love the expression about it’s not how to avoid the raindrops, but rather how to learn to dance in the rain. Life sure gives us some funny curveballs and I still marvel how different my life is now than it was in the past and how my path will be different than I expected or planned. And I’m good with all of it. I sometimes think I’m too complacent and need to jump into some new career, but then sanity kicks in and I realize that I’ve had enough of life’s changes and glamour jobs don’t exist.

    I appreciate your positivity. Keep it up. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it!!

    Like

    • robynthorn says:

      Thanks so much for your comment. I agree that your attitude can be the deciding factor in determining the direction your life will go. I have some ideas that I’m tossing around, but for now I’m just taking it one moment at a time.

      Like

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