Sorting Things Out When You’re Out Of Sorts

I am so confused. I seriously have no way to know what day it is. It wasn’t until I looked down at my phone this evening that I even realized that it was officially after midnight, making it Friday. When did that happen? I’m sure we’re all a bit out of sorts. After all, when you spend day after day at home working when you used to go into the office, the days sort of blend into one another. My friends keep asking how I’m doing, and I tell them, “Well, I’m working. My family is safe and healthy. I can’t really ask for more.” That’s the truth. This situation sure does put things in perspective. Sure, I’ve had my moments, but I will admit that I’ve gotten much better at one thing – managing my anger and frustration.

In the past, I’ve been in relationships where my partner wanted to spend a lot of time together. Sure, that’s great at first. The problem is too much time together can end up with your nerves spreading out over the floor like tree roots and you find your partner can’t help but walk, or even fall, on them. Used to, I would say, “If I promise to miss you, will you please GO AWAY?!” That’s been the challenge. When you’re socially distancing with others due to a pandemic, you can’t just leave your home to go do some therapeutic shopping…at least I won’t, as I’m not willing to risk my family’s health for something trivial. Long walks alone have definitely helped. Like I said, I’m very blessed to be safe while staying with family.

I wonder how my family and friends dealing with loss and tragedy are managing. I know many are, and it hurts my heart to think about it. I imagine some just want to pick up rock after rock and throw it at something until they feel better. As Forrest Gump says though, “Sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks.”

I find myself getting very angry and disgusted with our government. As if tensions weren’t high enough with an election, the universe decided to throw a pandemic in the middle of it. Things are getting ugly! This was my reason for logging off of social media for the foreseeable future. We are all too divided politically while we are all distanced socially. I think back to when I was a kid trying to do something and fail. I’d then call out, “DO OVER!” It’s too bad we can get one of those. Of course I wonder if we’d even learn from what we’ve done wrong so far so we don’t repeat it.

I really have been working on managing my anger and frustration, as I mentioned earlier. When it came to politics, I made “Press Conference Bingo” cards to see how many bingos I could get during whatever time was allotted for that day. I’ve found ways to be productive such as mowing the yard for my parents and their neighbor or completely reorganizing my dad’s office. I literally stop and smell the flowers on my walks and even take pictures of them.

I took time out of my day to watch the Navy’s Blue Angels fly directly over my parents’ house in honor of Coronavirus first responders. It brought back memories of going to air shows when I was little. I’ve hung out with my brother and laughed at stupid movies with him. I’ve called or texted with friends or family to see how they’re holding up. Why not?! I’ve got the time! I always find that even just lending an ear can definitely get me out of my head.

During my adult life, I’ve run a good number of 5K races. There’s something about being able to see that finish line or being able to hear the announcer call out the names of people as they’re approaching it to get you to kick it into high gear. I think we all just want a finish line with everything going on. Unfortunately, I think it’s more like we’re on mile one of an ultramarathon, and we have a long way to go before the end is in sight.

I look forward to the day that I don’t have to hear words or phrases like “virus,” “new normal,” or “social distancing” anymore. I can’t wait until I can see the 3-D versions of my co-workers and give them big hugs without worrying about catching a disease from them. I wonder how dating will even work moving forward. Will you be required to take a test before you can remove your mask for a first kiss?

At times, it feels as if we’re in a movie or something, as the reality of the world is just too bizarre. Really?!?! A pandemic?!?! In MY lifetime?!?! I normally love movies with a twist, but this virus is definitely the plot twist no one saw coming. How this all plays out is anyone’s guess. I want that happily ever after ending so badly, but I’ll setting for my family, friends, and readers to stay safe and healthy through all this. However far down the road the figurative finish line may be, I just hope things calm down enough by then to hear the cheering crowd up ahead.