Dear Mr. P

Dear Mr. President,

I would like to begin by introducing myself. I am a divorced, white woman in my mid-40’s who, in 2018, became a published author. I have always considered myself a suburbia girl, which is where I currently reside. Despite being born in Ohio, I have lived in Texas since I was six years old. I am a gun owner and believe that life begins at conception. I am the proud daughter of an Air Force veteran who I watch fly his flag on an American-made flag pole every day. It is something I’ve always admired about him. I love this country, and one of my favorite trips was to Washington, D.C. where, amongst other things, I toured both the Capitol and White House as well as Arlington National Cemetery. Based on much of this information, you’d probably feel that it’s safe to assume that I would fall directly into your base. This could not be further from the truth.

Let me explain…

I am the youngest daughter of a veteran, a Jewish veteran, living in the Bible Belt. I am the granddaughter of immigrants who fled their countries because of the persecution of Jews. I have been discriminated against simply because of my religion, which can be deceiving since you can’t tell someone’s religion simply by what they look like. In the south, most people assume you’re a Christian. We’ve already proven, based on my opening paragraph that one should never assume, like us assuming you go to church on a random Sunday. I have been preached to that I must pray to Jesus in school despite this going against the religion in which I was raised. Prayer in school sounds good to most Christians, but it is most likely because they believe putting it back in school means it will only be Christian prayer. The feelings of isolation and segregation are palpable to those who have another’s religion forced upon them. Of course, you wouldn’t know anything about forcing things upon people, especially woman. Anyone who believes that must be a pussy.

I am not only a gun owner, but I’m a really great shot with a rifle and shotgun. I’ve even gone deer hunting and killed two deer, which I cleaned, quartered, and ate. I do think shooting is a lot of fun, but unless I need to feed my family, I reserve any “fun” for clay or paper targets with proper ear protection. I also have my gun securely stored in a hard case, unloaded, with a trigger lock. I believe that people should have the right to protect themselves and know many other gun owners, including those with concealed carry licenses. What I do not agree with is the reason for automatic or military-grade weapons in the hands of civilians. The fact that we have been so desensitized to mass shootings in the country is unfathomable. How you can see nothing wrong with your supporters attending protests or storming state capitol buildings with automatic weapons is a blatant disregard for public safety. The fact that you encourage it is criminal. Of course, you must think that if the governors or protestors can’t handle seeing a few automatic weapons around, well…they must be a bunch of pussies.

I absolutely believe that life begins at conception. This is something very personal to me, as I spent years trying to have a family only to fail time and time again. The only thing I have to show for it are pictures of my beautiful embryos that my body sadly rejected. I do not believe that abortion should be used as a form of birth control for this very reason. I wonder though, as a man, how you seem to think you know though what is best for a woman and her body is beyond me. Unless you have a pussy, you can’t understand what it’s like to deal with all that goes along with having one. How you can brag about grabbing one without a woman’s permission is the absolute definition of a crime. How you can preach about the precious life of an unborn child while promoting the death penalty is the ultimate hypocrisy.

Here are a few things that I haven’t yet mentioned, which might further explain why your assumption I would be a supporter would be wrong…

I work in the hospitality industry, and my company and its leaders are pretty amazing. We are told weekly how appreciated we all are…at least those who are still lucky enough to have a job or remain furloughed. Sadly, I have seen so many amazing people lose their jobs because of this pandemic. April was the worst month in the HISTORY of the hotel industry, but surely you know that. Despite the trillions of dollars that have been handed out, your administration has done NOTHING to help this industry, which I believe is largely in part to the fact that you’d be afraid it would show favoritism to your own properties, and only a pussy would do that.

I am a college-educated woman with a double major in Psychology and Communications. I also have a teaching certificate, so I have seen the inside of a classroom as more than just a student. My heart aches for so many dear friends who are terrified and suffering from anxiety for the first time in their lives because their schools are not a safe place to be. There is an enormous lack of equipment, protective measures, and inadequate spacing because there simply isn’t enough funding. The person you appointed as the head of the Department of Education in YOUR administration is a complete and utter moron who should have been putting a plan in place the minute schools were shut down in the spring to ensure the safety of every student, teacher, administrator, and staff upon their return in the fall. They shouldn’t have to scramble to fend for themselves district by district. They tell me stories of their own kids being afraid to go to school. I hear them fighting back tears as they share their fears with me not only for the safety of their own children but for those amazing students for whom they’ve dedicated their lives to educate. Maybe all these people are just being unreasonable and acting like pussies. Yeah, that’s got to be the right explanation.

I understand that the English language can be confusing. I know that big words like Yosemite and Thailand can be a real bugger. I get that the fear of public speaking can turn a confident orator into a monotone pussy who can’t riff to save his life, especially if he has to look at a stupid bunch of mask-wearing fake media who seem to catch him on every single lie he’s told to the people of the United States…who, by the way, are who he answers to because it is his JOB as an elected official.

There is one huge difference between you and me, the likes of which you can’t comprehend. I actually love this country. I believe there is no better place in the world to live. It is my home. I take pride in my home and will be forever grateful to those who serve and have served this great country. I take great offense when someone tries to hurt what I love. In one fell swoop, with your Hollywood Access tape, you proved two of my favorite sayings – 1. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time, and 2. Integrity is doing what is right even when no one is looking. Look at you, killing two pussies with one quote!

Here is your biggest problem…your fatal flaw, and it has me smiling inside. You have greatly underestimated me and many like me who will not allow you to stay in office after January 20, 2021. We will not allow you to continue to be a national home wrecker any longer. Here’s some free advice – start working on a plan now to get everything packed so you’re all set to go back to Florida or hell or wherever by Biden’s inauguration, as this country doesn’t take well to Oval Office squatters. As a property owner and slumlord, I’m sure you’re familiar with this type of situation.

Disrespectfully yours,
Robyn “Nasty Woman” Thorn

To my readers: If the blatant use of the “P” word has offended you, then I have proven my point. Remember, I’m just a writer. I’m not the President.